And the list goes on…

List (noun): a series of names or other items written or printed together in a meaningful grouping or sequence so as to constitute a record.

Perhaps it is the OCD within me, but I love lists. Lists are the very basis of my everyday life. Whether they be written or mental, my daily routine would not function without them;

1. Get up
2. Shower
3. Breakfast
4. Brush teeth & hair
5. Get dressed
6. Pack bag
7. Check E-mails
8. Leave house

Voilà! My weekday morning in clear, concise and memorable form. That’s the routine, that’s what I stick to. No room for deviation, no room for hidden surprises. If something desperate crops up then it can be inserted where appropriate but other than in emergencies this list is to be obeyed at all times.

I’m the sort of person that (despite my views on infinite looping lives) thrives upon routine. I find my way of doing things and I stick to it. I stay within my loop because I know that I’m safe within it. Yes, occasionally I’ll breach the loop – but only if I’ve considered every eventuality and have planned for all outcomes. Whether it be conversations, movements or actions I’ll consider and provisionally plan them all. Therefore my (at times) apparent spontaneity is in fact only calculated, risk assessed and deliberated (delayed) impulsiveness.

I plan meticulously for all eventualities, I live in the future, and dwell on the past. The present is just something to think about tomorrow. Tomorrow needs to be planned for today! So, understandably I sometimes lose focus and all sense of reality. In which cases, karma (or life) tends to bring me back down to earth with a suitably heavy bump.

Yet when I don’t plan for something, am not in control or don’t know the itinerary I find it hard to revel in the moment, because my thoughts are always dominated by the near future and past. I dwell not on what it being said in the moment, but the conversation 20 minutes ago. I therefore seem socially and conversationally retarded, or just quiet.

Cliché tag line number two; “Live life in the moment”

I genuinely envy those who can truly do this, though I find it hard to believe that any body can. Fair enough, at times I become caught in a moment and for that time my attention is far less spread than normal – but could I envisage living like this all of the time? I don’t think so. Even as a child I would plan ahead – conversations normally – and eventually I became able to predict accurately peoples’ responses. Starting high school I used this mainly to get out of not handing in homework. Then it turned to making friends, a process which is considerably harder than planning excuses and mitigating ones failures.

Which leads me to believe that living in the moment is a tongue-rolling quality. You either can, or you can’t. I can’t (but I can roll my tongue ) Whether it’s something you can learn to do or not I couldn’t even speculate, but it’s possible. Perhaps I should try some genuine spontaneity once in a while.

So now I shall go and ponder tomorrow’s entry. Strange, just had déjà vu. Now that’s definately a subject for a later post.

Couldn’t leave that as an ending, sounded far too planned, not that this isn’t!